What a wonderful world it could be if all human beings had formed secure attachment in their baby years. This happens when caregivers are usually reliably close, and responsive to the child's expressed needs. Feeling safe that way, the child learns to be confident and trustful.

It has to be added that genetic factors, the nature of the pregnancy and birth, and life experiences also play their part. But whatever the causes, securely attached individuals have better chances of stable and harmonious relationships with themselves and the people around them. They are also more likely to handle misfortune well.

In any given society however, roughly half of people are not securely attached. This impacts how they feel about themselves and about being alone, to what extent they trust others and show their feelings, to what extent they are able to be intimate as well as independent.

It becomes clear that adverse life experiences will be addressed differently depending on how securely attached we are. Fear of abandonment or, conversely, attachment, will play its part in how we mourn. So will low self-esteem, or ambivalence towards intimacy. Such behaviours may result from insecure attachment.

Yet the good news is that secure attachment can be learnt later in life. It may take effort, patience, and certainly support, from loved ones or a counsellor. Understanding your own attachment style can be the first step. Let's start there. It is never time wasted.